Brantley on Lord of the Rings

Frank Rich, of course, was the famous "Butcher of Broadway", who

could close a show with a single review.

But his successor, Ben Brantley, has his moments as well. Remember The

Capeman, the $11 million flop from Paul Simon? Brantley tore

it apart: "it may be unparalleled in its wholesale squandering of illustrious

talents".

But Brantley outdoes

himself today, with his review of Lord of the Rings, the musical.

It opened in Toronto, so maybe Ed Mirvish was hoping Brantley wouldn’t hop on

a plane to review it – but $25 million musicals are rare enough beasts

that he obviously had to go.

Brantley clearly had much more fun writing this review than he did eviscerating

The Capeman. He even starts to channel his inner Anthony Lane at points:

You may be interested to know that, according to a news release, the dress

worn by the beauteous Galadriel (Rebecca Jackson Mendoza, who sings of Elvish

good will in the style of Celine Dion) has more than 1,800 hand-sewn beads.

(The release does not stipulate whether nuns were the seamstresses or if they

lost their vision to the work.)

And this from a man who liked the film version! I fear to think what

he would have written were he to have hated

it.