Remember the stupid email with which Vikram Pandit spammed all his customers? Antony Currie has now published a pitch-perfect parody over at BreakingViews, while even getting some serious analysis in at the same time:
I have also created some new roles, like head of talent and head of innovation. Now, I know what you’re thinking: how on earth does that make it easier for me to move cash around, set up a local account if I move abroad, or just get my checks cleared more quickly? Well, it won’t – American banks just aren’t good at that stuff. But don’t those titles sound cool?
And hey, we’re Citi! We’re too big to fail! So stick with us. We need you. Seriously.
It’s becoming almost too easy to pile on to Pandit these days. I’d put him on deathwatch, if it wasn’t for the fact that neither Citi’s directors nor its shareholders have any appetite for yet another reshuffling of the C-suite.